i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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