I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
