Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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