we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
