totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
