Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
