She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
