All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
