Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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