I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
