Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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