It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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