1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
