I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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