I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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