it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
