That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
