oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
