The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
