By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
