so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
