anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
