that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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