We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
