yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
