He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
