I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
