hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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