i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
