I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
