I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
