we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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