And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize