So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
