okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
