Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
