omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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