Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
