You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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