U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We need to get me chipped asap
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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