This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
