I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
