your thong is hanging out like whoa
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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