my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
