He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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