Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
