i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
