just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
