My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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