Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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