her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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