Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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