We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
