just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
