So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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