i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
His nipple licking is glorious
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