proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
