Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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