omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
