I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just high enough for therapy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
