Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
