i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
