I'm so fucking centered right now
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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