I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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