Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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