I wannas sexs uuuuu
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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