He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
