you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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