he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
