i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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