I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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