I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
