I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
