good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize