Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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