He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
