I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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