Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
