There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
