you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize