I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
