Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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