dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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