I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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