my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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