Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
