he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
