The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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