i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
