I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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