Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
