so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
