You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Success! We fucked roommates!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
