I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Come share oat with me in your robe
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
