Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i drank out of a bidet.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
