I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My penis needs a shock collar
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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