I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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