I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
