Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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