You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
