Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I need to align my fucking chakras
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
