Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
