We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize