apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
