Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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