i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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