on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You smell like stripper and shame
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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