Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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