well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
